A survey recently released by Merrill Lynch’s Private Banking and Investment Group — How Much Should I Give to My Family? — shows that the #1 concern of wealthy parents is that the inheritances they plan to leave their children will do more harm than good.

Of the 206 high net worth parents surveyed, 91% said they plan to leave the lion’s share of their estate to their children. However, they expressed fear that giving too much would thwart their children from reaching their full potential.

Almost two-thirds of the parents surveyed said they were somewhat concerned that an inheritance would have a negative impact on their children, especially when large sums were distributed without guidance or accountability. Yet only 29% said they have had a conversation with their children about their future inheritances.

You don’t have to be wealthy to share these concerns. I have them for my own children regarding what my wife and I are planning to leave them. If you share some of these concerns too, I’d be happy to speak to you about when and how to leave your whole family wealth (not just your money) as part of a comprehensive legacy plan for your family so it doesn’t create trouble for your children.

Also consider that in some cases, the best time to leave an inheritance to the next generation may be while you are living – instead of waiting until death – because you can guide your children through the pitfalls of the inheritance.

For an example let’s look at the case of Norman and Stephen Brooks, father and son. Twenty years ago Stephen came to Norman and asked him to support him to build a business that would bring youth to Costa Rica, and together they created a tour business and multi-property development that is now thriving.

Stephen couldn’t have done it on his own. And while Norman could have waited to pass Stephen’s inheritance to him until his death, Norman would have lost the opportunity to see that inheritance grow, not just financially, but on so many other levels as well.

Today, Norman’s inheritance to Stephen is far bigger than anything he would have left at his death and both Stephen and Norman are benefiting from it greatly.

The only thing I would have recommended that Norman do differently would be to have given Stephen his living inheritance through a trust, rather than outright.

As things stand now, everything Stephen has created is in his own name remains at risk from creditors, predators, lawsuits, and divorce. If they could go back and change anything, I would recommend Norman set all that up for Stephen in a trust, providing airtight asset protection that Stephen cannot provide for himself.

With inheritance, there is a fine line between enabling our children and providing them with opportunities. But with proper planning, you can absolutely make a safe, successful transfer of wealth to the next generation which will do them much more good than harm.

To your family’s health, wealth, and happiness,

Inherited wealth need not be “an albatross around the neck of the children” as Sting so succinctly put it recently when asked if he was leaving his wealth to his children.

I – and many other parents – share Sting’s concerns. But proper preparation for inheritance can ensure the assets you leave for your children benefit, rather than impede, the upward trajectory of their lives.

Part of that preparation comes from how you and your attorney actually set up your estate plan. Part of it comes from helping your children develop the critical skills needed before receiving and productively managing an inheritance. There are four main skills nearly all successful inheritors possess:

The ability to earn their own money and live off what they make. Children raised with wealth feel they are the most successful when they earn enough on their own to support themselves without the family money. Children without this skill often develop feelings of entitlement or personal inadequacy which negatively impact their ability to lead productive, meaningful lives.

The ability to set and pursue their own work goals. Children of wealth who are encouraged to find work they enjoy are much more likely to find satisfaction in that work if they are taught that it takes time and perseverance to reach this goal and that they should focus on learning from every job and give it their best.

The ability to develop self-worth that is separate from family wealth. Children who develop a core identity based on their own accomplishments and the choices they make in life are much happier and more successful.

The ability to be resilient and bounce back from adversity. Family wealth can cushion many blows, but the most successful inheritors are those who were allowed to experience and navigate failure on their own instead of being bailed out of every tough spot.

Comprehensive planning, taking all of this into account, can help your children avoid the many dangers and pitfalls inherited wealth can create. And if you’re anything like me, protecting your children from those inherent dangers is just as important as protecting the assets you’ll eventually pass to them. The great news is that proper planning can accomplish both objectives.

As always, I wish all the best to you and your family,